How do you handle everyday ugly?
Everyday ugly is not trauma. It’s not big picture. It’s not the end of the world.
It’s the moment someone says something snide or cutting when you’re already struggling.
It’s the pressure to do something quickly instead of doing it well.
It’s the voice in your head that says “I can’t handle this right now.”
What would we teach you to do in the face of everyday ugly?
- Focus on your breath. It doesn’t have to be deep or slow or counted. You just have to remember that it’s there, and it’s working.
- Focus on the ugly. I know that sounds weird, but you don’t want it to morph or grow. So pin it down. What exactly is happening? How precisely is it hurting?
- Pull back without pulling your focus. Describe what you are seeing or hearing in a bigger context. Say “I can see that I am feeling X. I have felt it before. Other people also feel X.”
- Ask yourself, what is happening in my body? Where do I have tension or twitches, heat or cold?
- Shake it off. Move your body gently so that your muscles relax and your shoulders drop.
- Ask yourself: “What do I want to be focused on now?”
- Look at the thing you want to see. Talk to yourself about the thing that is important. Feel your body shift into action and agency.
