Have you ever said, “I’d like to think about that, but I’m not in the right space for it.” Or maybe, “I’ll do it when I’m in a better space.”
Generally, “space” is short for “head space” and it really means something like “I just don’t feel like thinking about that now.” But saying they’re not in the right space is a way of saying that their situation is somehow responsible for what they’re feeling.
The danger in this is that it is partly true. Sometimes our situation leads to a mental or emotional state that affects our ability to deal with different problems. But placing the blame on the situation also makes it sound like we are not responsible for our own reaction. We must wait for a better situation before we tackle a problem or difficulty.
If you want to be confident, you have to feel that you have within you what you need to find or create situations that support states in which you can make decisions and take action. There is no confidence in hoping that the right situation will serendipitously appear around you.
If there’s a problem you want to address or an action you want to take, try saying, “I will get into a space where I can deal with that.” The ambiguity now works in your favour. You can change your internal ‘space’ or you can move to a new situation, a space that features different supports for what you need to deal with it.
Of course, this also matters when you are listening to someone else. Will they deal with the problem in question? If they are planning to find space, they want to be accountable. If they are waiting for the right space, it’s not really their problem.
Do tiny changes in how you say things matter? The next time you find yourself talking about the ‘space’ you’re in, notice whether you are motivated to make change or willing to let it be someone else’s problem.
