How do people know they can trust you? You might say something like “I walk my talk.”
NLP says, let’s look at that. People trust you when your physiology (your walk) matches the impact of your communication (your talk). You are always communicating through your body and through your words. In NLP, we say that the meaning of your communication is the impact it makes on others.
If your words scare them but your body is relaxed, they get a mixed message. If your body is tense but your words are reassuring, they get a mixed message. No one likes mixed messages. When we notice contradictions, we don’t know which message to trust. So we don’t trust the person.
This sounds straightforward until you ask: “how do I make sure my walk matches my talk?” And this is a skill that takes deliberate practice:
• develop awareness of your body; when people mirror you, they take on your physiology. You will only know when they are mirroring you if you are aware of your own postures, gestures, and expressions.
• learn to change your physiology to match the state you want to be in. You’ll probably start by mirroring people who are already in a state you want to learn to hold.
• listen to the sound of your own voice. You’ll want to think about your words, but you need to also be aware of your tone and rhythm. The sound of your voice is a great indication of the state you are communicating.
People can only judge what they can perceive and they cannot see your ‘authentic self.’ They can see your body and listen to your words and notice what resonates in them. They will trust you when the effect of your words is the same as the effect of your state.
Your mind and body are always integrated. Sometimes that means they communicate your uncertainty. With practice, it can mean that you are communicating your integrity.
