When we look closely at why people study NLP, we see people who want to know that they can maintain their best selves when change happens to them and around them. We all know that change is not always something we can shape or control. How can we shape ourselves to withstand it?
The answer in NLP is to find a metaphor or model that shows us how to hold onto identity while responding to the forces of change. I like the metaphor of structural integrity that comes from buildings. Buildings must be strong enough to stand, and they also much have enough flexibility to shift with changes in the ground beneath them and the winds around them. Strength plus stretch becomes the formula for staying safe through change.
People also need both flexibilty and strength to withstand external change and maintain their sense of who they are and how they are connected in the world. Although people rarely know how to say it, what they want to develop is the confidence that they will do more than just get through change: they will stay themselves through it.
Strength training is hard work in any field. It involves effort and repetition and pressure. It is balanced by training to increase flexibility. In practice, this often includes warmth, humour, and curiosity. Good stretch is gentle and insistent and restorative.
Engineering your own resilience requires that you find practices and exercises that build both strength and flexibility. NLP provides a great framework for both.
