Do you know why people need to roll with the punches? Like many metaphors, it is more direct and more pragmatic than you might expect.
A boxer learns to roll with the punches instead of encountering them head on with resistance. They learn because taking the punches hurts more than rolling with them.
Aikido adds the next step. You move with the attack, find a pivot, and change direction. It does no good to encounter the attack straight on, and it does no good to accept it without a plan for your next move.
This is a part of emotional intelligence and rapport that people often miss. It’s easy to imagine making better emotional choices on your own. It’s less easy to imagine what emotions are useful when you feel you are being attacked. It’s harder still to imagine how to take the energy in a heated encounter and turn it in a useful direction.
Here’s another way to look at it. When people pay attention to each other, their states synchronize. They begin to match and mirror behaviours so that they can interpret the other person’s feelings and intentions. The state that dominates is usually the one with the most energy. It’ s not always a combative state, but when it is, two people are now combatants.
If you want to win the rapport game, you need to know more than how to reflect what you observe in someone else. You need to know how to reflect, gain attention, and then move to a more useful state. That more useful state needs to use the energy present in a new way and in a new direction.
People learn to box and roll with the punches. They learn aikido. They can also learn to counter their intuitions and connect in difficult situations without amplifying conflict. It’s easier with a skilled teacher and lots of practice.
