It used to be called holding your peace. Many people think it means to say nothing. But actually, it means something like knowing when more talk won’t help. And, paradoxically, it doesn’t start out feeling peaceful. It feels like an argument with yourself.
What happens when somebody says something outrageously unfair? Maybe there are people in your life who like to push your buttons. Or maybe sometimes someone says something you think is spectacularly dumb. The voice in your head pushes forward with a loud defence or some well-placed sarcasm. But some other part of you knows that it won’t go over well, and it won’t get you where you want to go. So either you blurt out something (and it doesn’t go well) or you hold your tongue, and lose your peace.
Holding your peace means knowing why you aren’t speaking and remaining clear on where you want to go next. It means that you are accountable for your own communication, and you are not provoked when speaking out won’t help. It means knowing you are accountable for the impact of your words.
It requires confidence because it doesn’t always feel good. You never lose the child’s desire to protest “it’s not fair.” You never lose the teen’s desire to make the great burn, to say the words that cut and impress at the same time. You never lose the adult desire to be seen to be right. Instead, you dive deep into the part of you that knows what you want to achieve and what you are willing to do to achieve it. And you stay there, resisting all the urges to leave your peace and your path.
You might be confused. You might be thinking, “isn’t peace supposed to be easy?” But the world is full of wisdom traditions and they all agree that holding peace is much harder than letting go and just saying what you feel like saying. You can only do it when you know what you value and where you want to go.
