Do you have it all together?

2 December 2023

By Linda Ferguson

Someone who has it together seems to move effortlessly from one part of their life to another. They are focused and present and successful.

Having it all together is congruence. 

No one is congruent all the time. We frequently are aware of competiting priorities. That’s okay. Awareness of all of our needs keeps us alive and safe.

But when you need to do something difficult, something that takes all of your skills and strengths, you need to be able to put aside competing priorities and do what you need to do. When you can do that congruently, you are in flow or in the zone. All of your attention flows into one activity. In the zone, time seems to slow down or to stop mattering and you simply reach for what you need next.

Flow is one kind of congruence. Another is a sort of touchstone that allows you to know when all parts of you agree on a next step. This often comes after you have deliberately gathered as much information as is avaiable to you before you make a decision. At some point, searching and testing alternatives stops giving you new information. When it’s time to choose, you do what feels right. 

What feels right is congruence. It’s the choice that is grounded in your awareness, settling your body and your mind. It’s the choice you know you can live with.

There’s at least one more way to be congruent. This is the moment of surrender to someone else’s experience or leadership, the moment of trust. In this moment, you connect with someone else and notice that all parts of you are willing to have them lead. This might be practical leadership (they tell you what to do) or it might be conversational leadership (you just listen).

When you are congruent in your connection, you experience the most open flow of information and resources between people. 

Congruence is the state in which you make your best choices 

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