Think of a time you were having fun with other people while working on a project or task together. I bet that the more fun you were having, the harder you were working. It seems like a contradiction, but we love being surrounded by people who share our goals while we stretch and grow our own capabilities. Progress is a great motivator, and so is laughter.

Gentle leads to reliable: small, repeated changes require less force and lead to more sustainable healing or growth. This is the neuroscience of learning: words like patient and gentle are often descriptions of change that is nudged, not forced. If you are strong, your next step is to become so capable that you do not expend unnecessary force. You focus on the one thing, and work systematically to achieve it without harm (because harm is also waste). In effect, the strongest make change happen gently: with efficiency and compassion.

Imagine that you want to do two things in your meeting. One is to understand the information you need to exchange. And the other is to understand the other person. This is normal and this is very complicated. Without skill and discipine, you won’t be able to discern the difference between the noise and the signal. Is this person not interested in what you have to say? Is it taking too long to connect?

Some of the ability to make change depends on being able to understand other people. The process is simple but not easy: Observe the other’s behaviour closely and without judgement Use your observations to form an interpretation of the behaviour Find a way to verify your interpretation

People need both flexibilty and strength to withstand external change and maintain their sense of who they are and how they are connected in the world. Although people rarely know how to say it, what they want to develop is the confidence that they will do more than just get through change: they will stay themselves through it.

Whatever is scary in you is something you are already living with. You don’t have to be scared you can’t handle you: you’ve always handled you. When you are curious about yourself (instead of judging yourself), you will find unexpected strengths and perspectives that open up new possibilities for your. You might find passion, or purpose, or peace. But you will only find them if you have the courage to look inside.

Even simple exercises in taking stock of our own physiology can have significant, positive impacts on how we understand our interactions. This is not ‘touchy feely.’ This is evidence-based neuroscience. It’s not the way your individual mind works: it’s the way everyone’s brain/body systems work.

Sometimes you will hear yourself say “I don’t know why I said that” or “I just had a feeling it was the right choice.” This is sometimes evidence that you are connected to your intuition. At other times, it is evidence that your left hand doesn’t know what your right hand is doing. Self knowledge makes the same requirements of you that other knowledge does. You need to seek information and then you need to put in an effort to understand how that information fits together and how it is useful to you. It’s hard work, and it’s the only way that learning happens on purpose.

Begin with the question: “in a situation where there isn’t enough light or logic to see clearly, what do I most need to be able to see?” And the answer comes from a bright spot, a time you paid attention to the right thing so that you liked the opportunities you found or the thing you achieved. Now you can point your attention at the same kind of thing in your current situation. T