Do you remember the moment? For me, it came when I was in grade one. I wanted to love school and love my teacher. But the teacher who was nice to me was mean to another child. And once, she made the whole class sit on our hands as punishment for something only a few people did. I remember that pulsing feeling of “this is not fair.” Do you?
Those feelings don’t go away as we get older. They surface at work, and with family, and sometimes as we contemplate the state of the country or the world. We have big feelings and they pull us in different directions. We don’t know how to release them into words or behaviours that will make us feel better about ourselves and better about the world.
Do you know that moment when you are so frustrated and everything you think or say twists you a little more on the inside? That moment when you confront another person, and you can’t find the right words and that makes you even more upset, with yourself and with the situation?
What if being aware is the first step and the next step is learning. . . learning how people shape and respond to situations and feelings. . . learning how to move from noticing your feelings to fine-tuning them as tools for making choices. . . learning how to feel comfortable in your own skin, even when you are uncomfortable in the moment. . .
You can turn “I am uncomfortable” into “I am uncomfortable and this is how that helps me focus and make choices and take action.” You can turn “I am being pulled apart by this” to “I am strong enough to feel all this and keep moving.” You can turn “you’re pushing my buttons” into “I feel this and I choose to let it go because another feeling will serve me better.”
Good information, good models, and good practice make the difference.
